Prisoners in the U.K. to get cell phones: teens everywhere cry foul

Remember when you used to beg and beg your parents for a cell phone? Guess what? You don’t have to do that any longer. All that today’s teens and young people need to do to get a cell phone is commit a crime!

In a pilot scheme in the UK, some young offenders will be offered the opportunity to have cells installed in their cells. The theory behind this: it allows more prisoners time to communica with their friends, family, and lawyers. More importantly: it cuts down on security risks when you have numerous prisoners hanging around the communal phone.

The other reason for the scheme is to combat the rampant smuggling of cell phones into prisons. As the theory goes: give prisoners access to phones and they won’t have to smuggle them in. But there is a catch:
officials plan to monitor and record all calls made on the state provided cell phones. Hmmm.....that’s an interesting line of thought: you can use this phone that we’re providing you and we’ll be recording all your calls--or you can continue to smuggle in cell phones so you can sext with your girlfriend or be shanked at the the communal phone.

Could cell phones in prisons could bring cyber bullying to a whole new level? Think about the whole “don’t drop the soap in the shower” philosophy? Gone. Now the older prisoners will be able to pick on the newbies without leaving the comfort of their cell; all they have to do is get on the phone:

“Hello? Is Fresh Meat there?”
“No, sorry, he’s making license plates.”
“Could you tell him that I’ve got to reschedule his beating. Got some other things going on. I’ll see if I can squeeze him in around four thirty? Bye-bye!”

What about prison-bullying-by-text? How are authorities going to stop that when it inevitably breaks out? Put the offenders in prison? Guess what? THEY’RE ALREADY THERE!

This adds to the list of other privileges allowed prisoners over in the UK: Game Boys, electric tea kettles, televisions, and numerous other rewards. The moral of the story here, kids, is that if you’re going to commit a crime do it in the UK--at least you'll get a free cell phone!